I have so much stuff to do and prepare for and not enough money or good karma to do it with.

That and my little brothers are driving me insane! One of them is ten and is going through that awkward/annoying I'm-not-quite-a-teen-but-I'll-act-all-angsty-anyways phase. So he's taking it out on everybody around him (not that it has no merit 'cause my mom and ex-stepthingy are getting a divorce) and IT'S DRIVING ME UP THE WALL.

As for the stuff I gotta do, I have to get an apartment, convince someone in my family to co-sign a loan, build up my portfolio and get a job. The first one is going...well I suppose, but is connected to the second one as I want to use the money I'd usually pay for a dorm to pay for a waaaaay cheaper apartment. BUT THAT'S HARD TO DO WHEN EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY THINKS I'M IMMATURE. Which is...very much true. The portfolio thing goes as well as it can but I need to actually finish shit before I can say that I've accomplished something. The job thing....well I've never had much luck in getting a job on my own. I'll try, I'll always try, but it never carries through...

I'm just so frustrated right now. I just want my problems to be solved. I just want a life of my own, that's all. I'll do anything to know everything will be alright.

wafflejones: Just Saki(Pretty Cure Splash Star) in front of a ferris wheel (First appearance)
( May. 4th, 2007 02:55 am)
...many things.

Alright, so recently my Heads and Hands teach has commented on one of my pieces, that I should put it in the spring show. It's a great feeling to be told that, in fact I've wanted to hear that because...sometimes I feel like...I'm not good enough or talented enough. I want to get people's attention, to capture their hearts or at least their eyes. I don't think, however, that I've ever really done that. *sigh* It's like I don't have that 'umph' or that 'sparkle' that makes other artists special.

Well, back to the point, he said I should enter a certain piece into the show. But I feel like it was wasn't the greatest work that I could do. It's not that it's crappy, per se, it's that I could do a lot better. Ya know, I haven't put any of my work into the shows so far in my years here. I'm disappointed in that fact. Maybe I should this time, just to say that I have. Argh, but that means I'll have to deal with cutting mat boards...

Why does it feel like something is holding me back?

Another thing that's bothering me is that I feel like somethings...off with the situation I'm in. I don't know, it's like something's up and everybody knows it but me. What am I missing? I honestly don't know. Ignorance may be bliss to many, but it never was for me; more like agony. What's the universe trying to tell me?

Do I...not belong here? Where else can I go? Home? And stay there?

It's like something has to change in order for me to move on. That could only mean --oh no-- confrontation.

...yep, that's three in the morning typing right there. LOL. 'night.
wafflejones: Just Saki(Pretty Cure Splash Star) in front of a ferris wheel (Fuu.)
( Jul. 30th, 2006 06:03 pm)
So it seems I might not have the interwebs for a while since the comcast bill is so damn expensive. It's supposed to run out tomorrow so if you all don't see me around for a bit...well, you know why.

Anyway, I'm going to try for my driver's licence yet again by taking driving lessons for a couple of weeks before I go back to San Fran. Oi...

But at least I'm getting things done! Yay productivity!

- =;o


wafflejones: Just Saki(Pretty Cure Splash Star) in front of a ferris wheel (Default)


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